Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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