the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
