this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
