my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
