I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
