U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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