I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
