"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
