I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
