weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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