They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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