Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
