Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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