like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
