Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
