I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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