I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
