thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
