My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
