a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
