It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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