somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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