I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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