I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
