kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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