She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
