My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
