okay pat passed out under dana's car
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
