it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
