Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
