you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
