What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
