So drunk its hurt
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
