matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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