I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
