Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
