Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
