Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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