she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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