Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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