I just saw a hot homeless man
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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