..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
