why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
