ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
