Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
