Screwed.edu
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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