I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
