i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
