she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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