When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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